And The Walls Came Tumblin' Down

It may seem silly to some, to have a "word for the year" -- where you choose a word theme for your next 365 days, but I chose "Surrender" for the year 2020. I also hate the overuse of the term "Journey" but there's no more apt expression for where we are going. 

I love freedom. I stand proudly at any ballgame with my hand over my heart and loudly proclaim the National Anthem and the pledge of allegiance. When I think of America, I think of freedom. At the same moment, I think of all the sacrifices that people have made, people that actually laid aside their freedom to make it free for others. We are not worthy.

But in my personal life, I love freedom too. I might just err to the side of hedonism. I'm a closet Libertarian at heart, where I don't want government encroaching into my business. If I'm honest, I also don't really want anybody telling me what to do. Rebellion is my natural default, though you might not know it 'cause I sugar it up good. I shudder to think what life would be like if the Lord hadn't intervened. Funny thing is, here in my golden years (yes, the sun is golden right here), I am finally learning some of the things that I have resisted all along. I actually always loved a tough coach or teacher, ones that had the temerity to get in my face and not back down. As much as I hate to admit it, that's probably one of the things that make my husband so attractive to me...even though I'd like to kill him for it sometimes. We all need boundaries, walls, in our lives. I want to believe that life is a party and that I can do what I want. I'm a Christian and I'm not going to get over the edge, but I might want to flop my big hairy toe over it. 

One of the "acceptable" sins in the Christian world is gluttony. We can holler about alcohol and adultery and stealing, but you better not mention the buffet out back. It's one of those things that we all have to do (eat), but when to stop is a whole 'nother ballgame. And I have indulged my Christian freedom to eat way more than my quota. In fact, that's what I say to my grandkids when they ask why Yaya can't have a brownie: "Sweetheart, I've already had enough of those." And it's true. I've got eternity in heaven to get all the rest of the goodies. Down here, I've done had enough. And that's okay, really, it is. You'd think that was the death of freedom, but actually it's the opposite and I'm waking up feeling all giddy inside. Happy surrender!