Remembering Pain and Love

The hard things in life seem to interfere with all the sugar plum fairies and Twinkies. Today is the anniversary of the loss of one of our grandbabies, via a miscarriage. It may seem morbid to some, to dwell upon such an event, even to put that date on the calendar. But for those who have experienced losses such as these, the heart cries out for remembrance.  My daughter-in-love has lost three babies. Add onto that the challenges of infertility and you get a perfect storm. God in His mercy sent them (and us) our precocious and intensely-nurturing Annabelle, who is now four years old. And this last spring, God and all the honeybees, pollen, birds and planets aligned to fill my d-i-l's womb with not just one, but two babies. Addison and Bennett are now jostling for space while Annabelle reminds everyone which side they are on in her Mama's tummy. They are due in October, with about a thousand prayers going up for them every day from people all over the planet. 

Remembrance. I also call to mind my own three unborn babies, lost to the earth several years ago. Two were early, but one was a fourteen week pregnancy, with me way late in years for birthing a baby. I named him Ethan. It broke all our hearts. I can still feel it all, if I let myself. Suspended in the water, not breathing, numb, drowning, unable to move. The stillness. The ringing in my brain. But then grace. Life, with its circles, includes death and letting go. The Lord speaks peace to my heart as I embrace the passages of my loved ones, babies and old alike. There's regrets, but I have to own and then release them too, as part of the redemption my Lord died for. He didn't die in vain. He didn't snatch me up in vain. 

There are choices and then there are circumstances. Sometimes the two intertwine. Pausing for a moment to look back, remember, grieve, cry, but then smile and look forward. To not remember is bad, but to stay back there is bad too. Hope springs eternal and today is fresh and unwritten. Love covers. Love bears what is difficult. "For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. So now faith, hope and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love." I Corinthians 13:12-13. And love is what carries the day.