Thoughts from the Nest

This season of life is baffling. I've been told of the joys and the sorrows of the empty nest. And it's true....it happens too soon but then you think it never will. Then one day, you're rocking on the porch and reminiscing about your sweet babies, remembering their soft, round faces and the endless round of meals, diapers, nap times, more meals, prayers, books, toys, bedtime. Repeat. And repeat. And then comes school, sports, social lives, love lives, marriages, babies. And the Mama never quits bearing her children. You bear them all your life. You worry, fuss, correct, pray, wake up in the night....and they are not even at home anymore. And if they are, they're really not. So all the mirages of control that you used to believe you had, well that's all gone too. It comes down to this: God's got them. When they all pile in for a meal or just along their way for a visit, we are glad to see them come and glad to see them go. We thought we knew what tired was, way back then... now we're really tired.

I have to make myself not stay back "there" -- or else I'd cry all the time and miss what's in front of me now. This week included: painting our real estate office, working on potential listings, talking to probably a gozillion people about possibilities, painting again (and again), meeting friends for lunch, meeting business associates for lunch, making suppers for family, ensemble practice, church, laundry, scrubbing a toilet, walking the dog, talking to an old friend on the phone for a couple of hours, averting a flood disaster with a daughter-in-law, internet time, quiet time, shopping, doctoring the dog's hot spot on her rump, and then neglecting about 25 other things that are still hanging there, threatening to undo me. Yet all of that is light work, compared to the days when I had four children under the age of 7. I would not take back one hour of those years and all that time that I poured my heart and soul into our children. There were those who told me I was missing my calling or that I was made for "more" because I wasn't stuck in some office making that kind of money. But those treasures that are walking around now are more precious than millions of dollars and millions of kudos. I thank God for the grace to do it and my husband for working hard and letting me do all sorts of crazy and creative things to make it all happen. I have had multiple careers, never fitting into a box and much more interesting than I ever could have imagined. There are no two stories alike on the planet, but I'm very grateful for mine. Even the really hard parts.

I looked at the beautiful moon, with the night all warm and sweet around me. It's the same moon I used to watch from my bedroom window as a child. I didn't know what God had for my life back then, but I do remember feeling His arms around me, calling me to trust Him and to enjoy all His exquisite creation. My knees are creaking and my feet are really hurting tonight from all the painting (and the pounds)...but the same girl looks at the moon and marvels at the turning of the pages, the layers of life, the meanness and the goodness of the world, and lastly, all the circles. Moons, planets, orbits, births, lives, deaths, eternity. There's a lot to think about and a whole lot to live for.