Got that fiddle out....

God seems to do His best work in me when I am broken. 

He has me in a place, right now, where I have to be still. I have contracted a bad staph infection, called MRSA (which stands for Methicillin-Resistant Staphylococcus Aureus)....which means an antibiotic-resistant strain of staph. It is hard to even share that information....because it scares people to pieces. I'm not exactly sure how I contracted it, because it usually hits older people (older than me, of course), infants, hospitalized people, and those with compromised immune systems. I had been swimming at the aquatic center almost every day for a couple of months.....I used the locker room to wet my hair before swimming and then to rinse off afterwards. I rather think that I picked it up there....they keep the pool crazy-clean but the locker rooms are always moldy and full of water and the high schooler's junk. My skin had gotten very dry and I wasn't taking care of that. I was also on a "bootcamp" with my weight loss group, eating very little and exercising a lot. I think I compromised myself a bit. Either way, now four weeks into it, I have been yes, quarantined.

Not entirely.

I just can't touch anybody. Or touch my nose and then anything. I can't go to the hospital where my sweet daughter-in-love is laboring with our grandbaby. I can't go to church. I can't let my skin be exposed where it might leave bacteria for someone else to pick up. 

I have to take showers with Hibiclens, spray this special blend of essential oils all over and let it dry, then apply super-duper antibiotic ointment on the lesions and cover them with bandages. There's three spots left. Doc says that if they are not healed in two weeks that I will have to be hospitalized and put on IV antibiotics. Hurry up!!!!!!  I also have other unmentionable physical issues going on, not fun ones but at least they are not infectious.

Daniel was talking to me yesterday, while he was on his way home to take Jessica to the hospital.... her blood pressure was out the roof, so they have induced labor to get baby Madelyn Rose out of the oven. (Don't you love that name, haha?!) How my heart is grieved that I can't go to them now and be there in body to wear it with them and to greet this much-loved and wanted baby. Daniel started talking to me about how important it is that we specifically pray and ask God for things. He brought up several scriptures about the subject.... about how sovereign God is, but that He specifically states over and over how we are to ask Him for what we need. I believe He enjoys giving us good things and answering our prayers. He wants us to trust Him and to depend on His answers. How often I don't do that. How often I have a passive attitude about His will...just assuming that what will be, will be. Stupid! When here He says, "Ask and it shall be given, seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be opened unto you." Matthew 7:7 -- it's even providential that it is chapter 7 and verse 7...God's favorite number! I am learning more and more about crying out to Him. 

Our interim pastor said a few weeks ago, in essence, that the challenge of old age, for a Christian, is in trusting God. That surprises me. I thought that it would all get easier, the longer you go. In actuality, the older you get, the more you know how little control you have. Lots of bad things happen. The world is a scary place. You begin to see that just because I did the "formula" doesn't mean I'm going to get the right result. That is what we see. But we see through a glass darkly. I don't understand all that is going on, I rarely do. God does. He's not surprised by it, not one bit. He is working all things out for my good and my salvation, no matter what it feels like. I may sound like a repeating, broken record. Apparently it takes me longer to learn stuff....

Right now, I'm stuck here in my house. I've been sad, depressed, and ugly angry. Angry at me, God, and Ken. That's just the truth. I've also had lucid moments of joy, as I stopped to thank Him for all of this. This morning, I thought Ken had already left for work. He should have, because I was being a beast. But he didn't, thankfully, and I hugged him (whoops) and asked his forgiveness for my stinking attitude. He blessed me and encouraged me. After he left, I sat out on our beautiful front porch in the swing and began to thank God for everything. Really. Think about it. How many times do we get to take a retreat? Can't work away from home. Can't go much of anywhere. The best thing I can do for my health is to eat healthy, drink my fluids, sit in the sun and rest. Oh yeah, and do laundry. People pay big bucks to go rest in a beautiful Victorian house and eat salad. 

He means for me to seek Him, to find out new things out of His word, to ponder my future plans, to redirect my mule-ish work ethic into things more suited to my gifts and my aging body, to love those He has put in my life. I can do that from here. If you are reading this, give yourself a hug from me....sending you love from Him.