Sweet Surrender

I surrendered up my womb this week. That's probably more information than I need to exclaim publicly, but I know from decades of experience that women anywhere, anytime, will gladly share their own tales of both woe and delight concerning that most mysterious of organs. It's really amazing, the cradles of life where we were all seeded, grew and were expelled from. When the doctor gently spoke to me and said mine needed to go, I cried as I thought about the four blessings that had been nurtured there, leading to currently 11 more little grandchildren souls that wouldn't be here if God hadn't worked His miracles. So far, there are 15 people walking around that are the fruit, direct or indirect, of that now-frazzled equipment.  People thought I was silly to mourn. Its job was obviously finished and our nest emptied out a year ago (finally!). Ken and I are enjoying a new chapter of getting to know each other and learning how quiet can be a very sweet thing. But my heart had to process the release of something precious to me, not just a physical structure but a season of fulfilling purpose and joy that gets very little press in this day of empowered women. We've always been empowered, though we might not have known it. The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.

Father's Day is now a bittersweet holiday, where I can't tell my Daddy that I love him to his precious face. I can't harrumph as I remember that I forgot to get him a present or complain about the myriads of holidays that require one more gift. He was the best of Daddies. And as I lay quietly in a hospital bed this week, deliberating the loss of body parts, I couldn't help but contemplate the God who makes beauty from ashes. My parents both survived extreme family dysfunction to come together and build a legacy, not so much from grit and determination (though there was plenty of that) but from the spirit of forgiveness and surrender, which is a gift from God. We can't just conjure that up ourselves. 

As the anesthesiologist patted my hand and kindly explained that it was time to sleep, I rubbed my tummy and gave it all to God. Who knows if you're going to wake up this time? Best to be ready, just in case. A tear rolled down my cheek as I smiled at the future. I can do that, because I know the One who holds it all in His hands.