Winds and Waves

Today was the most alone day I have had since our nest emptied out in June, when our Elizabeth got married. Ken left early to help his Dad move into his new apartment and I went the other way, to church and then to show a house. I came home to an empty house, took my requisite Sunday nap and then piddled away the rest of the day. I watched a gloomy movie by myself, then walked the dog in the sticky, wet yard, spooked by anything that moved. So here I am, the night is getting late and Pa is still not home. His Dad is under great duress. There are many things that stress us, but losing your wife and then having to move, all within the space of a month, should be enough to unnerve him. My heart breaks for his pain.

Sitting here in my too-quiet study, I think of my Ken and how much I take him for granted. Some days are fun, some are exciting, but the steady beat of life is often like oatmeal, nutritious and sustaining, but plain. I happen to like oatmeal, especially with cinnamon and blueberries. It's comforting and healing, just like a good marriage. We have our fine days and our bad, two sinners depending on the grace of God. I have my jurisdictions and he has his. We've been together so long, sometimes I forget we are two people. The face I see the most isn't my own. It's his. I reach over during the night to touch his big, bear-like hands. They are warm, rough, strong. If I reach up and touch his lips, he always kisses my fingers, even if he's asleep. I stop and remember what I'm thankful for. If I'm smart, I tell him. He needs respect, affirmation. I more need love, back massages. We've been lucky in love, even on our worst days and in our hard seasons. I've found that true love is more like an ocean...there are tides, storms, sunshine and shadows, then days that are like a dream, with the wind gently blowing and the sea like a lake. The sand shifts with the whims of nature, but the sun still comes up, even if it's obscured by clouds. 

We have been blessed to see love lived out in our parents, both sides...abiding grace that doesn't shift with the current. What may appear like oatmeal on the surface is actually made of bedrock, smoothed and polished by the winds of adversity and time. No small feat. No small God.