Good night a-livin'... I've been thinking all day about how imperfect the world is. Whoever came up with that "Murphy's Law" makes me want to laugh. Surely they had a video of my life when they came up with that. If I drop my phone, it's most definitely wobbling its way underneath my car at the gas station. And not close to the edge, but pert-near to the middle and of course I have on a skirt. I don't even fit under there and of course forgot to bring my shepherd's hook. This is the way of it. The whole universe is catty-wampus.
God made it all perfect in the beginning, then Eve decided to eat something she wasn't supposed to. Mama shoulda named me Eve, apparently. I'm trying, I really am, but there are sugar plum fairies on the corner and Sprinkles Donuts is on the way to everywhere. Believe it or not, I was able to get through one day (today) without one drop of sugar. Let's make it two days tomorrow. Don't get excited, I'm not going to the gym yet. One thing at a time. I told Pa last week that I was starting Monday, so we had to eat up everything in the house that had sugar in it by Sunday night. Yeehaw, it's all gone now. I think I gained four pounds in the process. That'll only take a month to remove.
There are all these tests you can do on the internet, about what kind of body type you are (Mesomorph, Ectomorph, Endomorph -- morph being the operative word here. I apparently need to morph into something other than what I'm currently rocking), what kind of Ayurvedic body you have (Vata, Pitta, Kasha -- I am kind of in the Pittabout my body, and I thought Kasha was some kind of cereal), or if you have an apple, pear or banana-shaped body (really?). There are all these rules about what, when, how much, how often...and then a new set of rules about maybe not eating at all, sometimes for days in a row. And if you do that, you have to add salt and magnesium to your delicious drinking water, in case your electrolytes get whack. Half of us are as fat as Rhinoceros. They eat lily pads and pond scum. What hope do we have? Meanwhile, I'm doing this exercise of envisioning my 10-year-old self, where I was lithe and free, skipping about the pasture like a colt. What happened to her? I liked her a lot and she didn't have to think about all these things. That was the 1970s where everybody was skinny except that one lady at church (it's her glands, honey)... and the word is that something mysterious happened in the 80s and we all got fat. The only mystery I experienced was that I got distracted having four kids in rapid succession and ate a whole lot of Nutty Bars.
I think that the answer to this is that Pa needs to buy me a swimming hole to put in the backyard. I really think that's it. Then if they would just shut down that Sprinkles place...
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